I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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