They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
