Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
