i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
