And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
