I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
