He is an equal opportunity slut.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
