if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
