i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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