Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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