Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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