Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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