The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
