she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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