I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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