My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
