I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
