Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
