belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
These tits shall not be calmed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
