Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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