There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
