tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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