cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
