Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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