It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
