Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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