You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize