Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
