you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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