The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
