We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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