my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
