No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
