I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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