Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
