I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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