Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
