I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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