My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize