Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
