i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
