Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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