make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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