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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
