The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
