Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
