OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
