This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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