is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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