Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
