Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
