Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
