u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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