think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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