the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
