I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
