tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
