i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize