final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize