we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
