I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
