well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
