winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
