so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
