Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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