is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
