I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to sanitize my soul.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize