My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
