no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
