Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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