she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You made out with two different species that night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
