# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
