man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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