I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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