The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
