Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
