I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Found your dick twin last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
