i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
