perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
