Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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