420 ftw
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
