Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
